By Basant El-Faramawy
Guardian sketchwriter John Crace has published a satirical "Digested read" column imagining a fictional newspaper called The Reformer, edited entirely by Nigel Farage. The piece, dated October 31, 2026, presents Farage as editor-in-chief and sole credited writer across every section of the spoof publication.
The Reformer's Premise
The mock newspaper promises readers a return to the 1950s with "stories the mainstream media don't want you to read," offering grievances on every page. Farage introduces the team as "me, Nigel" plus "seven or eight other nobodies whose names escape me," pledging to sack forgotten staff if readers are unsatisfied within 100 days.
Farage's Omnipresent Byline
In Crace's satire, Farage holds every editorial position: agriculture editor, home affairs editor, consumer affairs editor, features editor, football editor, agony uncle, competitions editor, literary editor, transport editor, travel editor, media editor, and crossword compiler. Richard Tice appears as Farage's valet sent for champagne.
Satirical Headlines and Content
Fake articles include "Farming in Crisis" blaming immigrants for harvest failure by bringing "hot weather" in small boats, and "Foreigners Increase the Welfare Bill" citing a two-family survey where white neighbors complain about a brown Muslim neighbor named Zia Yusuf. A consumer affairs piece titled "How to Spot a Nigerian Scammer" claims all black people are scammers and points to a woman called Kemi in the House of Commons.
Interview and Sports Sections
The "Interview of the Month" features Farage interviewing himself beside his "chiselled cheekbones" while preparing a prime ministerial speech and referencing a byelection victory against "a comedian with a bin on his head." The football section credits Harry Kane's fictional Ballon d'Or win to Brexit, with Kane's "best friend Nigel Farage" claiming Kane would have played for Bayern Munich otherwise.
Agony Uncle and Competitions
As agony uncle, Farage advises a correspondent named Isabel Oakeshott to pay £80 for a Cameo video demanding the sacking of "foreign-looking baggage handlers." The "Racist of the Month" competition lists Tommy Robinson and Raheem Kassam as nominees, with calls costing £5 for a "worthless" bitcoin prize.
Literary and Transport Features
Farage's "Book of the Month" is his own memoir "My Struggle," described as recounting antisemitic remarks made at school. The transport editor discusses filling a favorite Kent pothole with "dead immigrants and the rubber of small boats the navy had sunk in the Channel."
Travel and Media Listings
Travel news warns against the M6 north of Birmingham due to "too many foreigners driving on English roads," with a promise to ban immigrant drivers. TV listings recommend GB News, an ITV documentary finding Reform HQ racist, and a Channel 4 drama about illegal donations.
